Miss G's Spot

 TesticleBound
 There's a truck parked in the woods. Seems legit
 Can Mr. T be my sister?
 Butterflies are so fucking metal
 Wasted chicken
 Meanwhile in Ness's oriental adventures in Onett
 Picky's a Mexican!
 Testicles with yummy sauce
 Porky stop poisoning people with your dick
 OMG another testicle!
 Frank is a pencil
 WTF I LOVE MAYO
 Pastel Grunge Cavemen
 Paula's mom is a fatass dinosaur
 Literally every enemy in this game is a testicle
 Lardna is chasing a bus
 Tony's talking to his Cock
 Don't people explode if they get fucked by horses?
 I still can't get over the Fleshy Yardstick
 Is Vagiygas the name of Giygas's mommy?
 I had lots of Jeff today

 I don't want Porky dick in my face!
 Lardna is a testicle
 They're all testicles
 He is the leader of the testicles
 Monkey ass
 Sugar-coated Porky dick
 That guy looked like he was kissing the taxi
 Jeff's junk attacked me
 I outran the soup cans
 Porky the zombie prostitute
 What would a Jeff-shaped guitar even sound like?
 Jeff is dead and Ness is Tony
 I declare they all have a hot homo party!
 One of Porky's pregnant hoes?
 Tony is Jeff's gold at the end of the rainbow
 The Sky Runner is powered by fucking

 A spray made of Aloysius's sweat?
 The poor hotdog cart was so scared. You made its wieners retreat in fear.
 I wish Jeff would quit leaving his dildos everywhere
 Porky you're gonna bust the door stop humping it
 Porky's house is Magicant
 Your dog is a dude
 Jeff's ass attacked me!
 Jeff's ass turned into a blowup doll
 Puberty was bad to Tracy
 Porky's junk is famous?
 Porky was diamondized. That's a whole lotta karats
 Everyone in this game needs to see a doctor
 Check out Porky's two dads
 PORKY'S DICK HAS A FACE OH GOSH
 Why are there moonwalking camels in the graveyard?
 It looks like it pissed itself
 Tony's dead. Apparently he has a watersports fetish, too
 Ness, his mom, and Paula went camping with a goat
 Tony's ass ambushed me
 HELP! I'm stuck between Porky's parents!
 Don't worry Jeff has enough dildos
 Your sperm is pink and musical apparently
 Is this where Porky goes to jerk off?
 Once again, Ness's PP isn't big enough to get the job done
 MALE LOVE WALKERS
 Not everyone likes anal

This isn’t a headcanon. THIS IS CANON

 Ness is a loser and has no friends - a reading from the Book of Pork
 Ambushed by dead Poo
 Thomas Jefferson seems a little under the weather
 Bitch misses home!
 I wonder how Jeff would feel if he knew Maxwell Labs was talking shit about him on the internet
 Porky has probably rubbed his limp dick on every single thing in New Pork City
 Oh God, Flatulent Starman. Don't get too close
 Porky's dick makes fries?
 I like Dungeon Man but sometimes I think he has a vore fetish
 Old man Porky licking a photograph of Ness
 Fuck this spinning pedophile!

 Only in Earthbound would an ice cream truck try to attack you
 That guy is swimming in the sewer
 Can everyone see the smiling testicle?
 The hot dog stand is an enemy!
 Is that guy fapping?
 That kid is Giygas!
 Why is Belch pissing in this person's garden?
 That must be one sexy door
 Looks like Everdred is EverDEAD
 Ness is at level 50 and he's still in his jammies
 Well now we got a smiling testicle with genital warts
 Ness has tits!
 This gun is called the Holy Beam. Does that make Jeff a Christian Scientist?

 Welp, Porky's dad is an alligator
 Threed's music is Porky humping a door
 Porky just loves that door
 This is Snow Wood,  you guys. A giant vagina
 Dead Paula ran into the men's bathroom
 There's too many spawns of Ness in this game. I'm getting suspicious
 Oh no Porky is humping the door in Moonside
 Why does Porky love doors?
 Lumpy space princess?
 Tony. He crosses other dimensions in search of Jeff
 Why are the donuts soggy?
 Tony's following Ness and Jeff is an eel
 We found Porky's dick! The "swollen crusher"
 Porky bangs everyone forever
 Paula's spinning in a cave where Porky's humping the door
 It's a smiling testicle

 Who pissed everywhere
 There's a Porky head in the sewer and it's trying to get me
 MONKEY FIRE GODDESS
 Is that Mr. Saturn dancing?
 Oh shit a puddle
 This lady needs a tampon
 Jeff was on coke
 Dungeon Man how did you get in there
 Ness stands in the middle [of Rainy Circle] thinking aww this is nice, but Porky's up in the helicopter pissing on him and laughing
 It's Master Belch everyone take a shit
 Whoever the hell is having their period in this cave needs to stop

The lineup for my newest playthru of EB. We call it ElementBound. Ness and friends are named after some of the Noble Gases. Most of them just sound cool, but I chose Xenon for Jeff because the Wiki article stated: “the earliest laser designs used xenon flash lamps as pumps. Xenon is also being used … as the propellant for ion thrusters in spacecraft.” And Carbon’s the coolest thing because it’s part of all life, and a ton of other stuff too <3

I’ve been playing Earthbound on Livestream so you’re welcome to join me at this link. Even if I’m not broadcasting, save the link and check back later. I make posts when I broadcast and I may even play movies, Pokemon or Mother 3, too. All are welcome!

This is a cute idea but is actually unnecessary. Jeff and Pu live in different time zones than Ness and Paula, so even if by some chance they graduated on the same day (which is unlikely because their customs and schooling are different from US/Eagleland) the ceremonies would not happen at the same time. But Ness could still use PK Teleport to visit Jeff and Pu.